…You wonder why that mean ole mayor is being such a hard ass about a lil ole tickertape parade.

…You think it’d be “really awesome” if the schoolchildren of some country – oh, say Luxembourg or Canada – could gather and hold candles and arrange themselves so they spelled out you and your groom’s names from above.

…you think it’s OK to drain your 401K. After all, what’s a little thing like pushing gambling with your security and paying whopping withdrawl penalty when you can have an ice sculpture on every damn table.

…You don’t think spray-painting 100 doves gold is the teensiest bit “over the top.”

…The Fire Marshal has come to your house to plead with you in person.

…You don’t understand why your fiancé is being so pig-headed about letting your Chihuahua “Snooky” be his best man.

…Your reception involves speedboats, hot-air balloons, or fireworks.

…Your reception involves camels in any way.

…Your reception involves the Secret Service in any way.

…Your reception involves NASA in any way.

…Your reception involves the Pope in any way.

…you instruct the caterers to never look you in the eye and to always refer to you as “Her Majesty, The Bride.”

…your floral arrangements will leave several countries bereft of flora.

… Al Gore calls to say he’s concerned your floral needs will affect the Earth’s fragile eco-balance.